Goals

I like having goals, especially short term ones. When I can imagine myself achieving something within, say, a week, working towards that goal becomes a lot more fun.

So right now I have a few goals (and a few things to look forward to besides). I have my first University class on Wednesday. I know that most people are not excited about the first day of school after the age of say ten, but I'm not most people. While I would not object to remaining in vacation mode for at least another month, twelve weeks will pass by as quick as can be.

I've signed up for a grand total of four fitness classes. Yoga, body works, Zumba and Belly Dancing. And yes, I will keep them up along with all my other juggling balls, thank you very much.

In two weeks time I shall be taking to the road (road trip, baby!) to see Slash in concert. If you don't know who Slash is, that's perfectly alright. In my mind he is awesome and worth driving four hours to the middle of nowhere to see.

I'm only a few short rounds away from finishing my knitting arm warmers. They would have been done on the train this morning except I forgot my smaller set of double-point needles. I need them for the decorative twists at the finger end. Also in knitting news, I eagerly await the arrival of the yarn I ordered so that I may complete the hat for the Handsome Lad. His birthday is in two weeks and while I have a history of giving late presents, I want this one to be on time.

Finally, on the topic of the Handsome Lad: he has given me out anniversary gift a little early (with good reason). We're getting dance lessons! If you could see me, dear readers, you would know how excited this makes me. He has given me the choice of Tango or Swing dancing. How can I choose?

Because I love giving you pictures, here's one from my weekend hiking trip:

Until next time!

Buyer's Remorse

I keep regret in a cookie jar in my mind. I don't like the feeling, although I probably shouldn't be associating it with cookies. Baked goods are my friend.

I signed up for Frosh at my University thinking it would be fun to do some legitimate first year stuff. I learned two things: 1) I'm turning into a crotchety old lady at 21 and 2) Not fitting in still hurts.

Sure there was drinking, and one should never complain about free drinks. However, the froshies were mostly young people from outside my province (and country) where the drinking age is higher than here. I did the alcohol thing when I turned 18 (as per legal drinking age, yes I'm boring), so getting drunk off my arse has lost its' novelty, and some of its appeal.

I was the freak for being older and a first year. The real reason for being in my situation doesn't matter. When someone hears that you're 21 and entering University in Canada, they feel  you might have screwed up along the way.

I didn't though, I just went about things the unconventional way. Doing so has landed me my job, my skills and the lifestyle I maintain. The only think I regret is being left behind by people my own age.

All that to say, I dropped out of Frosh after the first night, went over to a friends' place. We made dinner, had plenty of wine and it was better than any Frosh I could have had.

It might not be perfect, but it's my life.

Rainy Weekends

The weather was less than ideal this past weekend. It rained, all day, both days and it was cold. By cold I don't mean Canada Cold, I mean cold for August. With a good number of students hauling their summer-slack bums back to school, I can no longer be in denial.
New season, new adventure (as they are so wont to proclaim on television).

There is one saving grace of rainy weekends: hobbies. When it rains, there's no excuse for not being out of doors. So out came the needles, the pencils, the sketchpads and the books. I hobbied (yes, it's a verb today) to my little hearts' content. Since I'm still waiting for the yellow yarn I ordered too complete a hat, I did other things.


Arm warmer number one is complete! It was fun and surprisingly easy. Although it is true what they say about double pointed knitting being like wrestling and octopus.  All that remains is to fashion its' twin.  No longer shall my fingers freeze while typing all day at the office! I shall be warm, and snazzy to.


I do other things besides knit, don't worry. This won't turn into a blog about my knitting habits (although I might dedicate a section to that at some point). In general, this is about my life (which can be oh-so-amusing).


In a few weeks I get to re-start my belly dancing classes. It's great to find a form of dance and take to it. Although one would think that belly dancing makes your abdominal muscles flatter, the opposite is true. In fact, it is preferred that belly dancers be  curvaceous rather than stick-thin. It's more pleasing to the eye, apparently. Suits me though, having something to do with my little love handles and jiggle-bum. Sadly, I get a little proud when I see a video of Shakira doing the shimmy (the butt-shake thing) and knowing that I can do that!




And that right there... I wish I could do that. And one day I will. The dancer in the video has such supreme control. I can only aspire to that at the moment. My teacher tells me I have potential though, so I shall persevere. In two weeks time when I take up my coin belt once more, I shall be graceful, seductive and most of all, happy. Of course, we have to add supple. I shall be supple!

Have a great start to the week everyone. Cheers!

Portable Passtimes

After having a bit of a mental downturn last night I am back to fighting form on this is fair-weathered Friday morning. I never said life always has to be a ball of laughs.
Chilly weather in August does several things to me. It's an energy boost before my morning energy boost (coffee or what have you) and while I moderately resented having to put on full-length pants this morning I did not mourn the lack of humidity.

A nippy August day is a much more poignant reminder of the fleeting nature of summer-time in Canada. By and large I can ignore back-to-school commercials in my usual sophisticated manner (read slapping my hands over my ears and screaming 'la-la-la-la' at the top of my voice), a chilly breeze is harder to ignore.

As promised, I am still compiling stories from this past summer and while they may not be exciting, they're mine and I'm hoping that writing them down will cement them in my memory.

Today's topic is a double sided one. My focus this morning shall be the things that I carry with me. As this has been the Summer of Transition, there has been a bit of residual baggage.

Without further ado, here are the items which I have added to my magical life luggage (I like to think of it as a cross between Mary Poppin's carpet bag and the Luggage of Discworld fame).

1) Learning to cook and bake on my own. I have fond memories of standing on chair helping my mother compile a cake mix and getting progressively messier as I did so. Now I get very excited at the prospect of making something delicious to eat. Just look at that cake! It may not be perfect, but I did it, so all is well. And as I cooked, I learned. I learned the difference between baking powder and baking soda, and how much of either is too much. I learned how pouring love and effort into food makes it taste that much better. And I learned that adventures into new foods are almost always worthwhile.

2)  Stepping out of the hobbit hole. The Hobbit is one of my favorite books, I plan to read it to my children one day in the far far off future. The thing I loved most about it was getting to adventure with Bilbo Baggins, and to venture to far off lands for the first time. I'm not saying that reading the hobbit, way back when, gave me a taste for adventure. While I have to idea from whence the urge stems, I cannot deny its existence. I need to have adventures. I have already spoken of my camping foray in a previous post, but that was one of a few adventures. I participated in the Mitsubishi City Chase for the second year. City Chase is essentially like the amazing race except it takes place in one city and the racers are limited to using public transit and their own two feet. It's a great time every year, even if my team didn't finish on time or all the challenges. And heck, I got to pole dance in The Village.

3) More books than I can carry. While I have always been a book worm, I'm broadening my horizons by diving into genres I have not yet tried. My latest foray is into travel diaries (for lack of a better description). I know that these shall in no way replace my own travel experiences, but they whet the palette. Books like Michael Palin's Full Circle get me very excited to explore the world in my own way. And of course, I want to write about it. The world is huge and I only take up about 2 cubic meters of it.

4) Needles, needles everywhere. Knitting is a renewed hobby. I tried it once when I was too young to get it, but I have overcome the initial frustration and am now... essentially and sort of embarrassingly... addicted. I'm amazed at how quickly it got into my head. Projects are lining up in less-than-orderly fashion to be tackled and I am, for now, undaunted. Let the needles fly and the hats fall where they may!

I think that's enough out of me for one day. There is one more week left of Official Summer and I'm going to enjoy it.

I wish you the same joy.

Sharing With the Class

I stand at the front of the room. It's intimidating in its' pristine neatness. Rows of desks gleam, almost in anticipation. A meticulously penned name tag is affixed to the front of each one, proclaiming its' occupant.

The beige ceiling tiles, yet unadorned with colourful art projects give the room a cavernous air. My palms are sweating and I'm backing up against the clean chalkboard. My hand reaches up and grazes the perfect white cylinders.

I am swallowed up by silence and blank stares. It's the first day of school, I don't know the people around me yet I am told to address them. Heart pounding, I finger the hem of my new t-shirt, bought especially with the aim of warding off dork-dom. I can't put this off any longer; the teacher is waiting for me to speak. Have I been standing at the front of the classroom for hours in silence? I must look so dumb, I'll never live this down.

I'd better at least say something. After the first word it won't be so bad and maybe I'll ever impress people with the stories of my amazing summer vacation. Then I might stand a chance of being liked. If I cannot be cool I can at least fly under the radar with 'liked'. 

I take a deep, albeit shaky breath and begin to recount my summer vacation:

'Um.'

~~~

No matter how hard I try, I can never overcome that very first 'um' of the year. Like I mentioned in my last post, I shall be giving a lot of thought to my accomplishments of the past summer. This is an exercise in looking to the bright side. Of course, such reminiscing brought back vivid images of the very first days of grade school.

I am no longer that awkward little girl with a pre-braces smile and hair done up in embarrassingly short pig tails. I so wanted to wear my hair long like the other girls.

Just over a decade later and I like myself much more than I used to. But this piece is not about my self-perception. I cover that enough when I speak on Operation Beautiful. I promised you stories of my summer vacation, and stories you shall have, my friends.

On my summer vacation I helped a good friend design and paint her new apartment. While I am sure that I will do this many more times in the coming years, the first few are always representative of a great transition in which I soon hope to take part.

Moving Out. It deserves to be capitalized.

One of the greatest endeavours in a young adults' life is the ritual of freeing oneself from the childhood home. Some are blessed with an easy escape. Others have to go through painful separations which often require crow-bars. Some leave as soon as they are able, others choose to bask in the parental tent for a much longer time. Either is acceptable if the aforementioned young person feels it's the right thing for them.

Philosophy gives way to paint which gives way to good friends and pretty good wine. I do not envy my friend the plaster dust which clung to her hair and skin for weeks on end. I do not begrudge her having to wash her long brown hair in the sink because the bathroom was freshly painted and could not be exposed to moisture. I greatly enjoyed helping though. We picked colours with due consideration and grew very excited about the subtle differences between chocolate brown and therapeutic mud (names which I am making up).

I has taken a few months of work since it had to be done amid other projects. But it is nearly there. Just in time for the new school year. I shall of course post picture of the finished project because I am proud of all my work and all my friends. And as a humourous aside, if I'm going to crash at a friends' place after a night of drunken debauchery, it might as well be a nicely decorated place.

More stories will come as I think of them.

Cheers everyone, enjoy the vestiges of summer if that is indeed your case.

It's Like Thunder

When I feel at a loss for inspiration I often turn to song lyrics. I'd prefer that to discussing the weather, although in the case of today's title, it's a two for one deal.

This week is my last full week of work before I dive headfirst into University. I am very grateful to have a job that allows me to be so flexible with my hours. This week also starts off with a bang, literally. Thunderstorms abound due to massive amounts of humidity. I love a good thunderstorm, I would just prefer not to have to walk to the train in one. Lightning tends to make me sizzle.

I must confess to procrastination; it starts early this week and that's not a good sign. I still have to organize my room before school starts because I absolutely cannot abide clutter when I need to work. I went school supply shopping, which still fills me with child-like glee at having shiny new notebooks and pens that won't last long in their current state.

August is the sprinter month. I awoke one day and it was August 1st, then I blinked and I'm two weeks from the end of it all. It's a good thing that I am not one to make lists of things to accomplish this summer because I might be disappointed. I prefer to be optimistic (it's a new project, work with me) and since being reminded of the good things in life is the point of this blog let us go to the flip side.

With one week left of "official summer" I'm going to give myself an assignment.  I will think of all the things I did this summer of which I am proud. The bonus assignment to this will be to write about the things I most loved doing and the moments that struck me.

In a country that boasts (though not often enthusiastically) five to six months of hard winter, summer is a gift to be cherished. While we make the best of the winter months and have oodles of fun doing so, summer brings out an infectious joie-de-vivre.

Since I'm in the business of making life fantastic, I feel this is a good project to undertake at any major transition. We all should have things of which we are proud. If all goes well, I shall find some great stories.

On my summer vacation, I ...

I Ride a Bike in a Skirt

My small thrill of the week is making my morning bike ride to the office in a skirt. Because of the difficulties this entails I try to limit my skirt-wearing to once a week. It would not be so bad, I suppose, if I didn't have a preference for skirts that sit just above my knees. The blessing is that today's skirt does not like to get caught in every passing breeze ( I own two like this, I don't know why).

There's nothing quite like feeling the rush of wind by your upper thighs when the streets are still pretty quite for a morning in a bustling metropolis. Also, it makes me less self conscious when I see women getting on bikes in dresses; to me this is even more challenging.

Every day lately I've been getting off the morning train and getting my first view of the city. As cheesy as it sounds I am filled with a great love for the place in which I live. I know a lot of people can talk to no end about their home towns. Good. Let it stay that way. While I have a comparatively small sense of nationalism, my adoration for my home city rises like the mountain I see every morning.

I celebrate life by riding a bike downtown in a skirt, and loving every minute of it. I wish you all an equally joyous experience.

Thoughts, and Summer in the City

As far as things go, I did not have a very eventful weekend. Sure I played a two hour soccer game in non-stop downpour and starting knitting my first hat but really, nothing special.

Aside, you are never more miserable in the rain than when your underwear is wet. That, I feel, is the apex of rain-induced misery. 

However! Life being what it is (fantastic), things turned up, like the sun for instance. I love how the little things can cheer me up this early in the week. Like my morning jaunt to work on the City's snazzy little rent-a-bikes. I adore these things and I can't wait to zip around more often when I begin classes in three weeks time.

Admittedly, it is all very intimidating. The going to University thing, that is. While I am in no way anxious about the administrative process of beginning life at a new school - let's face it, I've done this at least 4 times now - there are other factors that leave me vibrating with excitement.

Such as? You shall surely ask. Well for one, I get to enter a peer group of people who are close to me in age and ambition. I get to play at being an adult more than I ever have before and I like it. I get to start belly dancing again, which is grand. And finally, it's just plain exciting to be where all my friends started out two years prior. I get to be where I have felt I belonged for the past 4 years. I don't regret much of taking more time in CEGEP (except possibly that last year) but when all is said and done, I'm glad to be free of it and eager to begin anew.

Here's to transition and the thrill of anticipation. Summer is not yet over but we have plenty to look forward to.

Cheers.

A Little Bit of Honey

Have I ever mentioned that I love baking? It's something I don't mind repeating.
I love baking.
I enjoy watching simple things turn into something meaningful and complex by the work of my hands, I love watching cakes and muffins rise in the oven. I love icing cupcakes. Most of all, I love eating what I make!

I was given a very large zucchini yesterday, courtesy of a co-worker with a farm connection. With it I decided to make zucchini honey cakes. The recipe came courtesy of the Suburban Yogini. 

You can find the recipe on her blog, and I'm more than willing to share (the link, maybe not the muffins :P)

Contemplation

This past week it would seem I have found a lot of time for introspection. More than likely, it has something to do with my participation in Change the Way You See, Not the Way You Look week courtesy of Caitlyn and her Operation Beautiful. I composed my two last posts with the aim of dealing with the negative issues I've had in my life. Afterwards, I spent a lot of time going over the motivations behind those posts.

I asked myself many questions:

"Do I really think that badly about myself?"
"Is my image situation really as disheartening as I make it sound?"
"Why do I compare myself to other women?"
"When did I stop being so hard on my academics and begin beating myself up about my looks?"

"Do I really have anything to complain about?"

Honestly, my answers to these questions can vary depending on quite a few factors. After writing the posts about my body image issues I seriously started to question where I came up with those ideas.

This particular train of thought gave rise to a serious examination of my goals, motivations and expectations. Do you want to know something?

I don't have a clue.

My opinions oscillate so much on a daily basis that I might be radiating some kind of electro-static field. The truth is, I'm still searching, experimenting, failing and succeeding. At 21 years of age I'm not done trying on personalities and habits for size. The good news is that so far, a few things have stuck.

Upon taking a closer look at my habits, I noticed that I'm a bit flighty with my interests. But at this point in my life I feel it might be a good thing not to be too into my little rut. I've tried on yoga and want more of it. I've taken up a dance fitness program called Zumba and adore it. I've discovered a natural talent for belly dancing and have become hopelessly addicted.

Oh my, you must be thinking. Such a busy girl. How can she find time to be insecure?

Easily, my friends. It is extremely easy to doubt yourself when doing so many things because the reason I pile so much onto my figurative plate is because I'm trying to distract my mind from my insecurities. Perhaps avoidance is not the best policy. Which is why I am grateful for having discovered Operation Beautiful and so many of the talented and inspirational bloggers who have reached out through that organization.

I have been given the opportunity to take a long, hard look at myself and for once, I'm not focusing on my love handles or my cellulite-speckled thighs. The truth is, I love what I do and I love myself. I do this in spite of my many issues, and if keeping busy is they way to prevent my mind from turning to darker places then it's probably not the worst thing I could be doing.

Humidity and You

Humidity is not my friend. I have an affinity for thunderstorms not so much because of the noise and the light - although that is fun - but because more often than not, thunderstorms chase away humidity.

I once heard that it's not the temperature that will kill you, it's the humidity. Very true. Perhaps in more ways than one. More precisely, it manages to kill my body as well as my self esteem. So while we're on the second day of Change the Way You See, Not the Way You Look week, I'll keep up my tangent of issues of image and self confidence.

A while back I came across a blog called The Seventeen Magazine Project in which a young lady attempted to live an entire month according to the Gospel of Teen Magazines. While I am no longer of the age (although I don't think I ever enjoyed those things) that subscribes to that sort of publication it brought up some interesting discussions.

This is where humidity comes in. One of the entries in the Project concerned hair, and the categorization that occurs within the realm of hair care products. To summarize, the author expressed frustration at the fact that "Normal" type hair products specified the type of hair found on the majority of Caucasian people (women in this case). All others of the "Abnormal" type, were typical of minorities, ethnic or otherwise. Her frustration was not limited to hair care products as this method of categorization covers everything from skin type to body composition. And this is where I come in.

My hair is technically "normal" when it comes to product selection. But this bothers me. The same way I have to decide whether my skin is oily (gasp) or dry (faints) when it cannot possibly be what they call normal. I also would like to know who made the decision as to what was normal. Come to that, why must we have a normal type of skin, or hair, or fingernail?

When humidity comes along my hair performs what I call The Curl. This is when no matter how much effort I put into styling it, it will shift into a mass of lumps and sticky-out bits. Can't this be normal, I ask you? I'm not the only one with this problem, I'm sure of it.

So here is my conclusion for today. Don't let labels get you down. There is no reason why one consistency of hair should be the norm while the rest are "difficult". Ladies (and gents), cast aside the stigma of "normal" and embrace the wonders that are your features. They make you, you. Since you are in no way inferior, neither are they. That is a good thing.

Flying Thigh High

I came across an interesting post on a forum I frequent which led me to http://www.operationbeautiful.com. I cannot help thinking that this is a good idea. One cannot deny the amount of negativity we are faced with on a daily basis - whether on the Internet or out on the street - and any small effort to counteract it is worth supporting.

I could spend infinite pages bemoaning the image-obsessed society in which most of us reside. Many do, but I don't wish to start the week off on a negative note. You'll understand, I'm sure.

So in honour of Change the Way you See, Not the Way You Look week, I'll tell you a little story about my battle versus my thighs.

As a young lass I participated in many sports. I try to keep up now that I'm older, but I didn't have a full time job, or university courses then. What remains of my active youth is my love of soccer, swimming and cycling. Added to this is a penchant for dance, hiking and yoga. I try to keep up. Time-wise as well as budget-wise, it can be unrealistic. All this to say that I developed large thigh muscles at a young age.

Then the more sedentary lifestyle of higher education and working kicked in. What can I say? Muscle turned to fat and I found myself with tights and hips that, in my mind, were less than satisfactory. All of a sudden, every woman on the street sported slim, gracefully turned thighs that in no way touched and made me feel like I stood on tree trunks instead of legs.

It became very discouraging to go shopping (not an activity I particularly enjoy but who would object to some nice clothes?) when I could find no pants that didn't turn into sausage wrappings around my upper legs. Loose and flowing seemed an unattainable dream.

I'm not a large woman, if anything I am considered to be of an athletic build (without the stamina) and I can be very happy with myself on most days. I do struggle with self-depreciation and body image, who doesn't? Sometimes I cannot stop myself from comparing myself to every woman that saunters by. When I look down and see my thighs jiggle like the belly of one Saint Nick, my heart falls to about three storeys below me. Wearing skirts only reminded me of how I could feel the sweaty masses rubbing together and spiral would start early.

This kind of experience is relevant to those whose jobs entail long hours of sitting in front of a computer or a desk or just plain being seated. To counted it, I started taking the morning train to a different stop in the heart of the city in which I work and walking to the office. I try to cycle or walk before I drive and keep up with a fitness routine of sorts. Of course, it's not going to work unless you make a change to your attitude towards yourself.

I could make a life-altering statement right here in this post but I know myself. I know that even if I write about it, it will not make it so. Instead I have been trying to keep a positive attitude about myself and my much-chagrined thighs. I have many, many other redeeming features and my Handsome Lad insists that there is nothing left to be desired about me. You know how that goes. He says those things because he loves me, right? Not so much because they might be true. Oh the paths the depressed mind can wander.

Some of you out there might think I have nothing to complain about. You're right, I don't . At least not when it comes to my looks. But self examination is a funny thing and it can go both ways. However, if you don't like something about yourself, you can either change it, or embrace it as just another part of you. The human body is the sum of many wonderful parts and it is impossible that not one of those is worth appreciating.

I shall remind everyone today, including myself that there is nothing wrong with how you look. In fact, if I had to make one conscious effort today, it would me maintaining the belief that I am beautiful, both inside and out and I'm worth something in this world.

Everyone is beautiful, everyone is unique. This realization is worth the hard-fought attitude adjustment. In my mind, all people are worth at least a second look so I should be giving myself one as well.

Cheers everyone. Stay beautiful and smile.