Everything comes down to a series of lists. If you spend as much time on the Internet as I do then you must be aware of the popularity of lists. The world and everything in it is being reduced to the Top 5, Top 10 or (if they're feeling generous) Top 100 and who has time to read that last one? I don't mind lists when it comes to naming favorites or shopping but there are things in life that should not be listed. To name a few I would say: Keys to Happiness, Steps to a Good Relationship, and Raising Children. You don't have to try very hard to find these lists - they're everywhere. These lists are attempting to quantify subjective experiences which can lead to destructive behaviour. During rare moments of clarity I catch myself being affected by these lists, particularity the ones that deal with relationships. A good relationship is, according to these lists, supposed to progress from A to B to C, contain milestones 1, 2 and 3 and have features x, y, and z. How many promising relationships have been torn apart because one of the participants needed to adhere to the list? Despite being aware of the pitfalls I too have fallen victim to list-begotten doubts. The same applies to personal fulfillment, wellness and success. If you're constantly living to check things off a mental list what are you missing?
Apocalyptic visions of the future often involve robot takeovers or the complete pacification of the human race. The end of the world is when we cease to be a collection of individuals. Biomedicine interprets the human body as a machine. Many employers see workers as output mechanisms. Corporations have numbers instead of customers. In many little ways were are reduced to parts like a piece of furniture from Ikea. A machine can only function according to its programming. Now think of all the programs that you've had to follow in your life: lesson plans, rubrics, diets, fitness plans, work projects, social programs, bureaucracy. I knew so many people in high school who were sure that their life plan was rock solid and who would not deviate from it at the risk of being a failure.
There is an important feature in building design known as the joint. Of this there are several different kinds what the ones I'm thinking of are control joints and expansion joints. Now bear with me, I spent several years being groomed for a career in architecture so for me this is a good metaphor. Control joints are the kind you see in sidewalks.
They are made when the concrete is poured. Their purpose is to localize cracks and strengthen the overall unit. The principle is that every substance on the planet moves; contracting, expanding and vibrating at its own rate. Because these pieces of concrete are not free to move, the tension in the material will cause cracks to form. Instead of having cracks form all over the place, the control joints concentrate the cracks and preserve the integrity of the sidewalk. Expansion joints work on the same principle except that they allow for movement between different materials that must be attached together.
Now that I've bored you to death I'm going to elaborate. Structural rigidity leads to cracks and ultimately failure. The stress of holding too tightly to a set plan will eventually make you fall apart. For this reason you have to allow cracks to form, you have to be flexible and you have to accept that you will not remain flawless. You, like all substances on Earth, contract, expand and vibrate at your own unique rate so why would you adhere to a plan that was not built for you?
We are all familiar with guilt. It nags at the back of our minds as we reach for a second slice of cake. It claws at us when we think about skipping a trip to the gym to finish a good book instead. Guilt lurks behind every box of cookies, every window of free time and of course, every mirror. Guilt is like that little girl in horror movies; she's always there in the corner of your eye humming a sinister little tune. When I didn't finish college in the two years it took my friends to do so I was bogged down in self loathing. I had chosen to do a a three-year career program and a year of Science instead of university prep but I still felt I had failed to keep up. When I finally entered university these same friends were in their final year. Facebook made me aware when people I knew were going to the gym, shopping, travelling and generally having fun (without me). Because I wasn't where they were I felt guilty. I focused on what I hadn't achieved and what I didn't look like rather than what was good about my life. Something tells me that this is a familiar pattern for many people. We are acutely aware of the standards we have "failed" to live up to but we fail to realize those same standards are not right for everyone.
I remember my parents telling me not to compare myself to my friends, but when I received a grade that they felt was sub-par they would immediately ask what my friends had received. I know that now to be a mixed message, but at the time I only understood that the only time my results mattered was when someone else had better ones. In much the same way we are always made aware of how someone has a better routine than ours. Theirs is healthier, more productive and makes them happier while the rest of us are failing at life. Finding what works for you is a tricky venture, and I spend much of my time fending off the little voice that tells me I'm doing it wrong. Who is that voice, I wonder. It's the lists talking. They glare at us from their fanciful yet organized pedestal. They make us feel guilty for deviating from the norm and for not having achieved all the Steps to Happiness and Success. While I do not disagree with the notion that people need routine and structure I wonder why mine has to be like everyone else's. I have a plan, but it can change. In fact, I rather hope that it does because I like surprises.
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